Star Trek: Frontiers are for pussies
by DarkestVampire
Summary: My first Startrek fanfic. Admiral Toby Reed is ordered to command a new prototype ship, the USS Lone Bird. Rated for swearing and senselessness. Check it out, we got a storyline! ;D Yes, i know, you won t check it, but in case you do, review plz :P
1. Chapter 1

Space. Finally a frontier. These are the voyages of... wait, the voyages of the stardock?

CUT!

Admiral Toby Reed was walking down the corridors of the stardock, waiting. He was starting to get dizzy, too. Why did this thing have to be so round, anyway. The Romulans, the Klingons, Earth.. everyone has a round starbase. In this case, the Borg were the only ones who were a bit original with thier Nexus. But then again, they wanted to assimilate all humanity, so that wasn´t good either.

„Admiral Reed, please report to the Starfleet Commander." The loudspeaker said.

„Fucking finally." Toby grumbled, then scurried off to the office.

„Ah, Admiral. Delighted to meet you." The Commander shook Tobys hand before he could deny it. It was quite obvious that his highest superior wasnt very straight to him.

„Please, have a seat. I hope you didnt take any further injuries from your trip on the USS _Jackhammer._" The gay commander asked, while sitting down on his gay bottom himself.

„No sir, not at all. Well, maybe some mental injuries, but those won´t hold me back from..." Toby didn´t want to say „Duty" or „serveing" around a gay person. „...from working on a spaceship."

„Good, good. Thats quite good. Do you know why i called you into my office?"

Because you want to stare at my manly chest again... Toby thought, gritting his teeth. He was known in the entire Alpha Quadrant to be killing everyone he didnt like. ...or, at least, in his mind. „Nope, dunno why im here. I should be back on the _Jackhammer_ to fix it up again." Disprite his rank, Toby was mostly used for mechanic work. And he even enjoyed that from time to time... if he could work alone.

The more the Commander looked at him, the more Toby seemed to feel something pokeing against his anus. Thankfully for him, it was simply his paranoia.

„Starfleet has been building a ship, a prototype, to test out serval new technologies. Since you are one of the few surviors of the latest incident, we choosed you to be its Captain."

This speech hit Toby like a brick. But one made of cotton candy.

He? A Captain of a starship? His own, very own starship? Seemed too unrealistic to imagine.

„This bait has a hook, hasnt it." Toby pointed out, still in a doubt.

„Yes, indeed. First off, youll be the only male onboard the ship. Second, your... faithful coworker Subcommander Crimson will assist you."

Ugh, not her again. Toby thought. Her sarcastic nonesense drove me insane too much already. But still, it might be not too bad.

„Your first mission orders are simply to stay out of trouble with this rare prototype, and test its abilitys quietly. You are dismissed."

Finally out of the clutches of the Commander, Toby ran down the round hallway towards the turbolift, almost smacking right into someone.

„Hey, watch it, Idiot! ...wait a moment..." Crimson looked deeply at him, then started to giggle.

„Im sorry, Admiral Sir! I wont let it happen again, Sir!" She engulfed in a rush of giggles, mocking him.

„Yeah, yeah. Just you wait until were in outer space. Im known to abuse my underlings."

They both stepped into the turbolift.

„What made you get the NX 01-C anyway? Your last performance wasn´t so impressive, as far as i remember." Crimson grinned.

„Yours was worse. The stupid antimatter you set free almost blew up the whole ship and you ran around screaming instead of stopping it. If you would, You might be the captain now. So shut your mouth, damn you."

„Were not onboard yet, Wiseguy."

They both got to the observers deck, where all the ships in the dock could be seen.

„Be on the lookout for an unususal ship. Its a prototype, so it might look wierd." Toby said, before looking around in the bunches of space vessels.

„Theres a strange one!" She pointed her finger towards an gigantic ship, a Souverein class Warship.

„Thats the ENTERPRISE, you dumbass. The Starfleets flagship. Howd you get through the acadamy anyway?" Toby grumbled, keep looking.

„Oh shush.. just because i like biggies." Crimson sneered back, also looking.

„Thats too much information, thank you very much. ... hey, what about that, at the end of the dock?" Toby pointed out to a wierd shaped, but undeniablely federation shaped starship, almost as big as the Enterprise-E.

Crimson took out her foldable binoculars and took a closer look.

„_USS Lone Bird._ Hey, that might be... yes, i hate to say it, but youre right. Its registry says NCC-NX 01-C. Wow, its a pretty big one for someone who never commanded a ship before."

„Don´t look down on me, you whiny little girl. You didn´t even see the bridge of a ship before." Toby stepped back from the windows, grabbing Crimson on the arm, heading back to the turbolift.

„I can walk myself, you know!"

Walking down the long , airtight sealed corridor at the „Shuttle"deck, they headed right for the Lone Bird. Its appearance was somewhat similliar to the Interpid class, but much longer and with four warp exausts. Two of them were mounted on the ships hull with tiny hinges on them, but the other two were located on the second set of hinges, on the traditional positon. The sharply designed things that looked like warp exausts were actually oversized impulse engines.

In the front, there was a tiny warp exaust as well, and two little impulse thrusters were located on the oval shaped saucer section.

Finally, they reached the airlock. As it opened, a tall, flat chested girl with short hair awaited them.

„Welcome to the Lone Bird, Admiral. Welcome to you as well, Subcommander. With you two, were now fully operational." The girl spoke in a soft, but disiciplined voice.

„Good to hear." Toby simply replied after stepping into the ship. The doors closed again as Crimson entered as well.

„Im Sandy Fokker, the person in charge for the sensor arrays. Im just an ensign, but i studied the blueprints of this ship all the time as we waited for you two." Sandy said, starting to head towards a turbolift.

„Alright... then lets hear what you know." Crimson said, without asking for permission from Toby.

„This ship was built in New Orleans, 2374. It was fitted together at the Stardock at the same year. Our total length is 953, 77 meters and our mass exeeds 700000 tons. We have a total crew of seven, since most of our ship is operated automatically, but everything on board is also suitable for manual use."

„Cool." Toby dryly replied as the turbolift charged upwards.

„Our maximum speed is Warp 9,8 at nominal warp, and we can go to three times Transwarp with some stress to the machines. Our Impulse thrusters gain speed of up to 500 kilometers per second, and this ship is the first to be fitted with a Subwarp engine. We can reach Subwarp two." Sandy said, obviously excited.

„Subwarp? Isnt Impulse already slow enough?" Crimson asked, confused.

„Subwarp means backwards warp. Back in time, silly." Toby sneered, listening to Sandy further.

„Exactly. Well, our armory is quite a lot for our peaceful times. 15 Phaser to the front, 5 to the back. 5 torpedo launchers to the front, two to the back. Five plasma cannons on each side of the ship. And then, we have a series of top secret new weaponary... youll have to read the manual to know of these." Sandy sighed at the last sentence, then the doors opened again, revealing the head of the ship.

„Welcome to the bridge."

The style of the bridge was quite modern, ususally found in the Souverein class. Toby didn´t hold back a bit as he plopped down on the comfy Captains seat.

„Aaaaah... great. Great. Fucking great i tell you. I just love leather seats."

„That was way too much information than i could handle, Reed." Crimson giggled, sitting down on her own, Polyester seat. Unlike most spaceships, the Lone Birds bridge had seats for everyone, since everyone would be on thier station almost permenantly.

Sandy sat down on the sensors console, starting it up. „I would suggest calling your crew on the Intercom, Sir. Its the third button on the console."

Toby blinked, then pushed the button on the seat.

„Ehem. This is Admiral Tobias Reed speaking. I welcome you all fullheartedly onboard the USS Lone Bird. Before we start, i ask you to join us on the bridge as soon as possible for a quick assembly."

Toby released the finger from the button and sighed happyly. „Aaaah.. i always wanted to do that. It feels so great to have my own ship. ... wait, Sandy. The Commander told me i´m the only male on this ship. Izzat right?"

Sandy blinked, turning to him, then nodded. „Affirmative, Sir."

Crimson rolled her eyes as the hidden pervert in him came forth again.

„Computer, list up the breast sizes of the crew, sorted by specification."

Even the Computers voice was female. „G cup: First Officer Nina Mortis. E Cup: Ensign Skittles Verona. E Cup: Leutanaint Seras Victoria. D Cup: Ensign Mina Harker. C Cup: Subcommander Crimson Taternate. A Cup: Ensign Sandy Fokker."

„Now, what did THAT accomplish, exept makeing ninety precent of the personal on board blush?" Crimson grumbled, pointing to three blushing girls standing near the turbolift. The fourth one, however, was grinning. Toby reconized her instandly and sighed deeply.

„Im very happy to serve here, Captain! Meow!" Skittles replied cheerfully at her own, Cat hybrid kind of way.

„Im sure the Captain appreciates that, Skittles..." murmured Nina, also a cat hybrid, but less instinctive than her.

„I didn´t know my chesticles were so small" Mina said, looking down slightly.

„... i didnt even wanna know that from a computer..." it came from Seras, a vampire girl.

Toby looked them all over... they really were all chicks down to the purest sense of the word. Well, maybe exept for Crimson.

He stood up, and shook the hands of everyone, almost recieveing a hard slap from Nina, who apperantly didnt like his little joke.

„Again, welcome aboard the Lone Bird. Now, take up your positions, then well gonna start this huge baby for the first real time."

They all obeyed quickly. Nina sat down above him, on the tactics place where she could see all of the big screen, Crimson just made herself comfy near the Captains seat, Seras apperantly sat right next to him, as his right hand, to be percise, Mina took up the position of the weapon console, while Skittles literally jumped onto the steering console.

A few buzzes were heard as one console powered up after another.

„Awright... everyone ready?" Toby asked... they all nodded. Skittles gave him a thumbs up, while Crimson just made a slight grin.

„Good.. then lets go for it. Nina, power up the warp cores.. and get ready. Skittles bring us out of the dock with impulse speed."

„Aye Sir!" Skittles replied with a playful giggle, makeing two sharp turns to get out of the locking clamps. Then, she started forward, heading for the door.

„The Commander has a message for you, Captain." Nina said, boredly.

„I can guess it, but put it on the loudspeaker. Skittles needs the screen."

„USS Lone Bird, you are clear for takeoff. And remember to stay out of trouble. See you all soon." Toby shuddered at his voice again, but shrugged.. the hangar doors opened, and Skittles quickly leaved the dock.

„..are we far enough yet?" Crimson asked unpartincely after a few seconds.

„Yes... almost. Now we are." Sandy answered her.

„Alright... Warp one, go for it." Toby loved to give this command all by himself.

The big screen showed a blur of lights as the stars went into stripes, and they exceeded lightspeed for the first time ever.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Space. Finally a frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Lone Bird. Its uncontinueing mission is to stay out of trouble. Out of the sight of hostiles and new civillizations. Its seven-girl crew and her captain are going on a one day mission, where the last punk has ever gone before...

Captains Starlog, stardate 7763.42, first entry.

Seven hours have been passed since the ship left the stardock. The steering is at automatic, were just driving forward and avoiding any planets and stars within our reach. Our mission orders are as follows: Stay out of trouble and test the abilitys of the ship. Over. I still don´t know how to put these together.. a quantum slipstream drive, a Borg type transwarp coil fed with energy from the warpcore, brand-new backtrack warp engines and lots of secret weaponary.. that just screams trouble, doesnt it? Well, me and my crew are currently enjoying drinks on the bridge while watching a movie, AKA discussing the mission objectives. I didnt even hear the word "Mission" from the girls ever since we left the stardock. Its like a vacation, just better.

"Hey, will you stop talking to this stupid console and answer me?!" Crimson yelled at Toby, shakeing him.

"Yeah, yeah, what is it?" He glared over to her after shutting off the log.

"Crimson asked you what drink you want for the fifth time now." Nina replied dryly.

"Oh. Sorry bout that. Lemon mix cocktail, if you please."

Crimson grinned over her sudden aventage. "Fine. Because you ask me so nicely."

Skittles was happyly slurping on her milk as she looked over to them. "Captain, what about our mission?"

Toby was a bit surprised that this topic finally came up, but relaxed again. "Calm down, kitty. Well just travel for a bit to get into an empty sector, then well test out our ship."

"What kind of empty sector do you have in mind, Captain? The delta quadrant? Or something even farther away?" Crimson asked him sarcastically.

"Suprised you even know of that sector, Subcommander. No, I don´t intend to travel for seventy years, I just wanna go somewhere without anyone to disturb us."

Mina looked up from her drink, finally saying something. "The beta quadrant is pretty unhabited, Sir."

Admiral Reed snipped his fingers. "Bingo. And guess where we are headed to?"

Skittles hung her ears. "As for the moment, we are headed for _Sol_."

All six others jumped up from their seats. "WHAT?!"

Skittles nodded. "The navigation computer isn´t working right. Thats why I asked about where were headed to."

Toby rubbed his temples. "Alright, Skittles, pull us away from the sun and set a course for the beta quadrant, maximum warp. And if the engines burn out during that, i´m going to scream."

Outside, the Lone Bird made a sharp turn right, and embarked into a flood of lights as the warp exausts finally did their thing.

"Estimated Time of Arrival is 3.5 hours, Sir." Sandy replied as she looked over to the sensor console.

"Great. Still enough time to watch another movie." Toby said, lying back in his comfy chair.

"And what if we crash into a planetiod then?" Seras asked, worried.

Nina rolled her eyes. "We wouldn´t."

"Yes, but what IF? It IS the first time for this ship, anyway!" Seras was very frightened by the fact that they almost collided with the sun.

"When was YOUR first time, Ensign?" Toby looked over with a little glare.

Seras blushed massively and stepped back towards her chair. "Im a virgin, Sir."

Nina started to grin. "Nice going, Admiral."

After spending two hours of watching Titantic and then letting Seras and Mina cry an hour, while Nina was pouting that Jack died, but "that slut who slept with him" didn´t.

"25 minutes until we arrive, Sir." Sandy said after looking to the console again.

"Yeah, but its not like we have to stop at the border of the quadrant.." Toby relied, leaning back again.

Crimson rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we can just fly out of that sector."

"Grrr... will you stop mocking me, SUBcommander?!"

"Calm down, Admiral. Its nothing to be angry about so much." Nina said.

"Alright, when was your first time Nina. I think im going to ask that everytime one of you questions me." Toby growled.

"At Stardate 7543.442, Sir." Nina relied dryly.

"Crap. ...wait, that date doesnt even exist, doesnt it."

Nina nodded. "It doesn´t, because im a virgin."

Mina looked over to them from the weapon console. "I think Nina is secretly a vulcan spy, made to believe that shes a cat hybrid."

Toby nodded, growling more. "Yes, that might be true..."

"And you´re secretly a dog hybrid, growling so much." Crimson said, mocking him more.

"OW!" She cried out as Toby bit her arm. "What was that for?!"

"To prove your theory, wise-girl."

"Exiting warp, Sir. Were right in the center of the beta quadrant." Nina said, ignoreing their sillyness.

"Good. Then make a full stop and prepare the Backtrack warp engine for a first run." Toby said, backing away from Crimson by standing up and looking at the screen in front of him.

"Aye Sir. Ship has stopped at zero kilometers per second. Powering up Subwarp now."

"Meow.. im scared something might happen." Skittles whined, her ears hanging down.

"Dont worry about a thing. Nothing bad can happen to us by chance." Sandy told her, looking up from her console.

"I hope youre right.." Seras said, also frightened.

"Dont make me get paranoid, please." Mina replied, already ducking a bit.

"Sir, Subwarp is at one hundred precent. Were ready for a first try." Nina finally said, looking up.

"Alright." Toby went back into his seat, then holding both the hands of Seras and Crimson. "Buckle your seatbelts, everyone. Nina, Subwarp one, now.

A blurring flash of lights appeared on the screen, and an incredible pressure, similar to the start of a rocket, blew them into their seats. Suddenly, a rough shake hits the ship, and the space gets normal again.

"Subwarp sucessful. All systems nominal." Nina said after a gasp.

"Looking good, doesn´t it." Crimson meant, after takeing her hand back quickly.

Sandy suddenly jumped up from her seat. "Borg transwarp traces right in front of us!"

In a blur, an Borg Cube came out of Transwarp directly in front of the screen.. or at least it looked like it.

"EEEPPP! I knew it!" Skittles squealed, ducking in her seat.

Toby reacted at the same time. "Mina, power up the weapons! Nina, all emergancy power to the shields! Skittles, make a sharp turn and try to avoid hits from them!"

A green plasmaball hit the saucer section a few seconds after, shakeing the ship a bit.

"Shields at 70 precent. No damage taken so far." Sandy reported, starting to get exicted.

"Mina, fire all front phasers and torpedos." Toby ordered, sitting down again after jumping up rushfully.

"Aye sir. Torpedos on the way."

A few explosions caught the cube, as it starts to regenerate.

"According to the computer, well need at least 400 torpedos that size before we can disable the ship for an hour." Nina gave Toby a stern glaze, avaiting better orders than that.  
"Mina, transphaseic torpedos!"  
The ship shakes another time, as well as the cube gets hit another time.

"Shields at 40 precent. Borg Cube is at 90 precent stability."

"..." Toby fell silent for a minute, thinking about what card he could be holding.

The ship shook another time, sparkles comeing from the ceiling.

"Shields at ten precent. Some hull breaches at the upper decks. EPS lines at modernate rates."

Mina was looking helplessly over to him. But then, he finally got what was to do then.

"Mina, load the Antimatter cannon. Its the third button on the second row. Skittles, do your best to avoid another hit. Nina, use the lifesupport power to reinforce the shields. We need one minute to be ready."

Mina, confusedly, pushed the button he wanted, and a status bar appeared on her console.

"Cannon loading, sir."

The ship was hit yet another time, almost throwing Toby over.. a smokescreen is starting to go through the bridge.

"Shields down! Multple cracks in the hull! Pressure at fifty precent! ... we will not survive another hit." Nina mentioned.

"Alright, who made this crappy ship so damn crappy?! Skittles! Dodge!"

"Im trying! MEW!"

Another shock goes through the ship. Lighter this time.

"The Borg hit our left Impulse thruster. Were slowing down rapidly."

"Damnit.. Mina, whats with the cannon?!"

Mina stared at the console again. "Almost ready!"

"Thats not enough!!"

The Borg ship stopped fireing as the defeat of the Lone Bird was obvious.

"That cube is calling us. We shall turn off all our systems and wait to be assimiliated." Sandy said, looking up.

"Good... power everything down exept the cannon. Lets give them a suprise."

Outside, the lights on the body of the Lone Bird go off, making the ship get almost invisible.

"Mina?"

"Antimatter cannon is ready, Sir. Shall I initiate the aiming programm?"

"No. Just aim for the general direction of their warp core manually. Fire on sight."

Seras clutched Tobys hand now, and supriseingly, even Crimson did that.

Skittles crawled into the seat, while Mina did her best to finish the job.

Nina and Sandy were content, as they knew that Starfleets buisness is extremely risky.

"Alright, fireing in one.. two..three."

A blue burst shot out the saucer section´s top, and the Borg cube reactiavted its engine again, but it was too late.

An devastateing explosion destroyed the entire cube at once, giving off a large shockwave.. but also, the Lone Bird speeded up again. Speeded up massively.

"Whats going on?" Toby asked Sandy, who was looking at her controls confusedly.

"Were speeding up, Sir... Warp 9...23...55...80..150..400.. Sir, were exceeding the controls panels. Apperantly, we´re going through a slipstream."

"Nina, is that comeing from us?"

"Yes, Sir. The Antimatter explosion mustve somehow reacted to our slipstream drive, loading it up. We cannot stop it until the energy is used up.. that can take minutes."

But minutes was not what they needed, as they passed out from the intenseive light and the loss of pressure almost alltogether.

Two hours later, Admiral Reed slowly woke up, looking around dizzyly.

The bridge was almost pitch black, smoke was everywhere, and a few sparkles filled the room with light.

"...A-admiral?" It came from Nina, weakly.

"Yes.. what..what happened?"

"We traveled through slipstream with far too much energy. We could be anywhere now.

"...meow..." it sounded from the front area.

"Skittles? Is that you? Are you alright?" Toby asked, making his way towards the front of the bridge, stumbleing across numberous things that ususally belonged to the ceiling.

"...S-sir.. im not feeling too good, but im not in pain or anything.." Skittles replied, trying to stand up.

"Sit down and stay there.. what about the others?"

"Either they´re dead, or theyre still blacked out." Nina said, logically. "Ill try to give us some power to for the lights."

"Ugh... Reed... never again will I fly with you..." Crimson moaned in pain, from the ground.

"Crimson? Whats wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Im fine.. just... a terrible headache and a few burises.."

Toby stumbled back to the captains seat, checking from Seras.

She was also thrown to the ground, in a rather unhealthly pose.

"Oh no. Seras? Seras?!"

"Ow..." She groaned, then shifted slightly and started putting her spine back together. "It pays its price if youre a vampire."

"Im alright too, Captain.. althrough I got shocked just now as I reached for my console.." Sandy said, alittle down.

"Good... Just keep your hands in your pockets. Mina, report in now, your shyness isnt helping."

All Mina made was a groan, but she held up her hand to show everythings okay with her.

"Jesus.. we were supposed to stay out of trouble, and now this.. Nina, how long is it gonna take with the light?"

"The power cables of this console are totally burned out. Ill try from over there, but I dont think i´ll get this so soon."

"Great... should I help?" Toby asked her, trying to be a bit more helpful after all this,

"Naw, don´t bother, just sit down somewhere and get your marbles back in place, Reed." Crimson said, sarcastic, but in a good state of pain.

To be continued.


End file.
